Shades of Gray
by Heleentje
Summary: So Far, So Good side story. Following Juudai's advice, Johan heads to Greece to meet the goddess Athena, hoping to find answers to the questions that have been plaguing him.


This is a side story to **So Far, So Good**, and will be hard to understand if you haven't read that story. Even though I'm still on hiatus, I'm giving you guys this, since I've been planning for it since last November, and since a few people have been asking for it. It takes place at the same time as chapter 9 of SFSG. Here, Johan goes to Athens to meet Athena. Hopefully this will provide some extra insight in his motivations in SFSG itself. That said, enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh GX

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**Shades of Gray**

**Greece, Athens  
**

The flight attendant had assured him that it would only be a few degrees warmer in Athens than it was in Bergen, but when Johan left the airport, his hand securely on his deck holder, he was immediately assaulted by a wave of hot air. He'd have to put on a T-shirt as soon as possible. The shirt he was wearing now had served him well on the plane, but was much too warm to wear outside.

He hadn't booked a hotel before taking the plane, and he wondered if he should do so now, but eventually decided against it. He wasn't planning on staying here long. Truth to be told, if it hadn't been because of the Gem Beasts' and Juudai's insistence, he probably wouldn't have come at all.

"Johan, you might find answers," Topaz Tiger reminded him. The spirit walked along with him as Johan crossed the road, looking for a taxi that could get him to the city of Athens. Ah yes, answers. He certainly had more than enough questions, and he was coming up with more every single day. Could Athena help him? Juudai said she could, but Johan wasn't so sure. He wasn't getting his hopes up; finding Amethyst Cat was his main priority now. If Athena couldn't help him, he was leaving right away.

He sighed and threw a quick glance at his deck. Lately, they'd been quiet in his mind, especially Cobalt Eagle and Sapphire Pegasus. It had him worried, but the two had assured him that nothing was wrong. He wished he could believe them.

He flagged down a passing taxi and got in, asking the driver in English to take him to the inner city. He briefly thought about looking for a place to stay, but decided not to. He wasn't planning on staying in this city for more than a day anyway. It was too warm here; the heat too sweltering and the people too cheerful. The taxi driver was talking non-stop in broken English, not at all deterred by Johan's reluctance to reply. Finally, after an awkward ride, they arrived in the heart of Athens, and Johan made the driver wait for a few minutes so he could withdraw a couple of euro bills from a nearby cash machine. With only Norwegian kroner and Congolese francs in his pocket, he wasn't going to be able to pay for the ride.

Wandering aimlessly through the city wasn't how he was planning on spending his day. Juudai had told him that he'd ran into Apollo almost by accident, but he wasn't going to wait until Athena decided to show up. With that in mind, he headed for the Acropolis. What better place to find Athena than in her own sanctuary?

He hung around a group of French tourists for a while, then wandered off, past the Parthenon. He ignored the small temple of Athena Nike, and instead went to the other side of the hill. Here was the Erechteion, famous for its Caryatids. However, not many people had come here. Most were fully focused on the Parthenon or were walking to the museum on the other side of the hill. Johan tugged at the sleeves of his shirt and brushed back a stubborn lock of hair that kept being blown into his face. It was a warm day, well over 30° Celsius, but the fierce wind on the Acropolis made him shiver. He blinked irritably when the wind blew a few grains of sand in his eyes, and was just about to turn back when he saw something glint in the sun. He picked up the object. A one euro coin, the Greek owl clearly visible on the back.

"I like the design, it's very fitting."

Johan hadn't heard the woman come up, and for a second he considered just ignoring her. But she seemed to have different plans: "Can I see it?"

Johan gave her the coin. She twirled it handily between her thumb and forefingers.

"Wisdom," she said, looking at him with piercing gray eyes. "That's what the owl represents. Did you know that?"

Johan tilted his head, taking in the gray eyes and the brown hair, coming neatly to a little past her shoulders. He looked to the side, where the temple was shielding them from the sun but not from the wind.

"I guess you would know better than me," he said finally. The woman smiled gently. She seemed happy with his reply.

"You're smart, Johan Andersen," she said, holding out a hand for him to shake. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

"Likewise," Johan replied, taking her hand quickly and letting go of it just as fast. "I was told you could help me."

"I might," Athena said, turning away to look over the city, a wistful look on her face. "My brother has told me about your problems."

"I need help finding my sister." Johan didn't look at the city. Instead, his eyes went to his deck holder. He could feel the spirits of his remaining seven monsters, but somehow he felt like they were more distant than usual.

"I don't know where she is," Athena said immediately. "But I do know that you will have to find yourself before you can find her."

"What do you mean?" Honestly, he already knew what she was talking about, but he wanted to hear her say it.

But Athena didn't say what he expected her to. "You're a very special person. Not many people would call the spirits around them family."

"Is that a problem?" Johan asked sharply. Athena immediately turned around, shaking her head.

"No, it isn't. It is unusual, but the unusual isn't wrong. There are other people like you. People who find a family in spirits, in animals… Just because you aren't related by blood doesn't make the bonds between you any less valid."

Johan nodded, but didn't reply. Athena took it as a sign to keep talking.

"You're an orphan, aren't you?"

Johan shrugged. "Yeah, my parents died in a car crash when I was a toddler. There never was anyone who came looking for me, but I grew up in a nice place. It never really mattered, I don't remember them."

"You're fine," Athena summed up.

"I was fine," Johan corrected. "Until that thing… Chaos… took my sister. How do I find her?"

"By finding yourself," Athena said again. Johan grimaced in frustration.

"Then can you tell me what this is?" He held up one hand, and a white glow formed around it. It fluctuated wildly, and he was forced to dispel it again when it nearly hit the goddess. "It's not like Juudai's power and I can't even control it unless it really matters."

He could still vividly remember Yubel showing up in his hotel room, holding Juudai who wasn't breathing and quickly bleeding to death. He'd acted on impulse then, started healing before he'd even had the chance to think about it. But whenever he tried to use the power afterwards, mostly on small scrapes and cuts he'd acquired himself, it had refused to do what he wanted.

Athena looked deep in thought, and it took her longer than Johan would've liked to reply.

"I can't say I've felt this power before," she said finally, very slowly. "It's very primal and very light."

"Light?" Johan latched on to the last word. Juudai had told him about the Light of Ruin. He didn't want Light.

Athena, unaware of his train of thought, continued talking. "Yes. It is very striking. It reminds me of Apollo's power, but yours is still very different. It can be dangerous if used irresponsibly."

_Johan, you're not thinking what I think you are, are you?_

Johan ignored Topaz Tiger's voice. He'd draw his own conclusions when he'd heard what Athena had to say.

"Using power comes with accepting power. You haven't accepted this power yet, have you?" the goddess asked. Johan saw no reason to deny her statement. Even if it had saved Juudai's life, his own life had been much simpler without it.

"Right now, you can use it instinctively, but you won't be able to control it or tap into its full potential until you accept it as a part of yourself."

"What if I don't want to?"

"You will have to accept who you are, Johan Andersen," Athena said brusquely. "If you don't, the results can be disastrous. You wouldn't be the first one to have their own power backfire onto them." She sighed. "I can help you, but only to a certain degree. However, I will watch out for you."

"Like my mentor?" Johan asked. Athena laughed softly.

"I've done so before. I'm sure I can reprise my role."

She turned serious again quickly enough. "You're up against an enemy who's far stronger than me. I don't even know the true nature of it, only that it's been wreaking havoc for quite some time, and that it's always eluded us."

"It called itself Chaos," Johan said quickly.

"Whatever it is, it's dangerous. Be careful. You're a target just by virtue of your friend."

"Juudai…" Johan sighed deeply. If what he had was the Light, Juudai shouldn't get involved anymore. He shouldn't know about this.

_You don't know that, Johan._

Emerald Turtle this time. Usually the calming voice of the monster was enough to make him relax, but not this time. He had too many doubts, and he couldn't even voice all of them to Athena. What if the Light of Ruin was using him? What if it came from being possessed by Yubel? And speaking of Yubel, why could he feel what she felt? It had been a big surprise in Kinshasa; one that hadn't really been welcome. He was just about to ask Athena when she spoke again.

"If only there was something I could give you," she said, toying with the Euro coin Johan had given her. She held it up and studied it critically. "Yes, that could work. Give me your hand."

Johan didn't ask for clarification, but just held out his left hand. She pressed the coin softly against the inside of his wrist and folded her hand over it, closing her eyes and concentrating deeply.

"Don't be surprised," she warned, as Johan felt the coin grow warm for a few seconds before it changed shape, forming a band across his wrist. Athena lifted her hands and Johan studied the bracelet he now wore. It was mostly silver, as the coin had been, but Athena's owl had turned gold. The map of Europe had disappeared. Instead there was a stylized tree, its branches stretching all the way around the bracelet to enclose the owl.

"Tree?" Johan asked, ignoring the owl. Its symbolism was obvious.

"It's an olive tree. I gave it as a gift to Athens a long time ago," Athena said. "You're always welcome here, Johan."

"Thank you," he said softly, taking of the bracelet and studying it carefully. He toyed a bit with it, testing its strength. Ruby appeared, thrilling softly, and he showed her the bracelet. She thrilled again, looking satisfied. Johan took it as a good sign and put the bracelet back onto his wrist. Athena looked back at the city, frowning slightly. There was a rainbow in the east, and even though it was very vague and only the outer four colors were really visible, Johan felt slightly better upon seeing it.

"War…" Athena muttered, and Johan turned his head.

"What do you mean?"

"Your rainbow," she said softly, "is a sign of promise for you, but it isn't always so. Sometimes it's a message: war is coming."

"I don't want a war," Johan said quickly. "I just want to find Amethyst and go home."

"Very few people want war, Johan," Athena said slowly. Johan raised his eyebrows and she looked at him severely. "Not even me, despite what you might think. I am not a goddess of war, but of strategy, of the art of warfare. I do not condone mindless violence."

"That hardly makes it better, does it?" Johan said sharply. "You're just killing people with a plan."

Was he crossing a line? He had no idea how Athena would react. She seemed to take it in her stride, however.

"At least you speak your mind," she mused. "We aren't the same, Johan. We come from different cultures and different time periods, so I will not pretend to understand every single one of your ideals. My point still stands. There is a war coming and it's not good for any of us."

"I'm sorry. I'm not usually like this."

"I know." Athena unexpectedly put a hand on his shoulder. "You're a good man, Johan. Make sure you stay that way. You have family and friends who care about you."

"I know… I just don't want to endanger them as well. If Chaos attacks me just to get to Juudai, what else is it willing to do?" Johan shivered. The wind seemed to have picked up, but maybe it was just getting colder. The sun was starting to set and mist was drifting in from the sea. The chatter of tourists had died down. Most of the guided tours had ended and everyone was heading back to the city.

"Johan, it's almost evening," Cobalt Eagle said softly, appearing and perching down onto a nearby pillar. Johan wondered why he'd chosen to appear. The eagle could just as well talk to him in his mind. "You should find a place to spend the night."

Athena agreed: "I'll accompany you. We can talk more on the way down, if you want."

Johan followed her without looking back at the Erechteion. The Acropolis was nearly deserted, except for a few people in the distance. Cobalt Eagle was following them high up in the sky, enjoying the opportunity to stretch his wings and get an aerial view of the city.

"You have to come back one day," Athena said conversationally. "When you've found your sister."

"I will," Johan replied softly. He wasn't sure what to do. Find himself? And what if finding himself only caused harm to everyone else?

_Rubii!_

"What- Ruby?" Johan looked up at the monster's advice. "Cobalt!"

Cobalt Eagle was flying towards them at full speed, chased by the mist that had been drifting over Athens just a few minutes ago. Johan had assumed it was normal mist, brought by the sea. It wasn't.

Cobalt Eagle screeched loudly as the smoke caught hold of one of his wings, making him lose his balance and crash down heavily. Johan was with him in an instant, warding off the smoke. Sapphire Pegasus and Topaz Tiger appeared as well in a vain attempt to help their brother.

"Go back to the deck!" Johan shouted at them desperately. "You're safe in my deck, go back!"

His pleas went unheard. Topaz Tiger slashed through the smoke binding Cobalt's wings, but only got caught by it himself. Athena entered the fight now, somehow wielding a spear and shield she hadn't carried before.

"Chaos, stop it!" Johan shouted. The smoke withdrew a little, only to come back immediately, now letting go of Topaz Tiger but instead focusing all its energy on Cobalt Eagle again.

_You're desperate, Seeker. Tell me, how far will you go? Can you use your own power to save your family? Or are you too tied down by your own ideas of good and evil?_

"Johan, focus! Don't listen to it!" Sapphire Pegasus told him urgently. Amber Mammoth made an attempt to trample the smoke, but without physical form there was little he could do. Johan closed his eyes tightly. If it was the Light of Ruin, if he used it…

But his family was in danger.

"Not again," he decided, letting go of all the power he could gather in one huge blast, which eradicated all the smoke that was tying down Cobalt Eagle in mere seconds. The white light shattered most of the bigger stones around them and almost took out part of the Parthenon. Johan himself was knocked backwards by the recoil and cried out as the back of his head hit the ground painfully.

"Johan?" Athena carefully grabbed his hand and pulled him up. She looked awed, almost scared, and Johan didn't have to guess why. He'd destroyed the landscape. Several stones, remains from the older temples, had been completely shattered, and it was a miracle that the temples were all unharmed. He'd done that. He alone.

"Johan, it's fine," Cobalt Eagle said, shakily spreading his wings. He looked unharmed, as did Topaz Tiger, Amber Mammoth and Sapphire Pegasus. There was shouting in the distance.

"Don't worry," Athena said softly. "I can cover this up. You did nothing wrong."

"I'm going," Johan decided. He was endangering everyone here. No good could come from this.

Athena looked like she wanted to argue, but eventually conceded. She grabbed his left wrist, the one with the bracelet she'd given him.

"You're always welcome here, remember that. Please take care of yourself, Johan."

Johan nodded to acknowledge her words, but didn't find the energy to reply. He just waved at her and turned around, away from the destruction he'd caused. His cell phone beeped.

_'u ok?' _Johan read. He hesitated for a few seconds, but then resolutely selected 'delete.'

"No Juudai, I'm not okay. I'm really not."

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**Notes:**

**Athena: **Goddess of wisdom, arts and crafts, strategic warfare, ... She is the daughter of Zeus and Metis, and (half-) sister of, among many others, Apollo and Artemis. She was honored in Athens, with the owl and olive tree as some of her symbols and many temples on the Acropolis dedicated to her. She has also served as an advisor to several mythical heroes, most prominently to Odysseus and his son Telemachos. (She guided the latter by taking the form of an old man called Mentor, thus making her the original mentor). Last but not least, she is usually described as having gray eyes.

**Acropolis**: A large hill in Athens, which houses several temples, the Parthenon and Erechteion among other. It's one of the most well-known places in Athens.

So there you have it. I hope this clears up a few things!

On a different note, at livejournal a community has been created to support the victims of the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, where authors and artists are offering to write/draw/create things to help out. The idea is simple. People will offer to make something and give a starting bid. Other people can then bid, and the winning bidder donates the money to charity and gets the offered item in return. It's a great way to help out even if you don't have money to donate! I myself am offering fic (username: heleentje). The community can be found at http:/ community. livejournal. com/ gulf_aid_now/ (remove the spaces).


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